Archive for the ‘Pregnancy’ Category

Since Sarah is taking a couple days off work to be with Jen and Aidan, we were able to meet up for lunch today at one of our favorite restaurants, The Suma-Veggie Cafe in Richardson. It has a great little asian buffet with mongolian beef, sesame chicken and some other great meat dishes… only they aren’t really made from meat, it’s all soy – hence the name Suma VEGGIE. I know it sounds gross, but you just have to eat it to believe how freaking good it is.

Anywho, so we’re in the buffet line and this lady notices Sarah’s little buddha belly and comments about how tiny she is for being pregnant… Well, this is a momentous occasion – Sarah’s first unsolicited “wow you’re pregnant” comment. They proceeded to have a nice little chat while filling up their plates with mountains of fakemeat. My questions is this: How big do your balls have to be to straight up ask someone if they are pregnant? Especially when they’re only 4 1/2 months along and only showing a wee-little bit… What if you’re wrong? What if they just like to drink a lot of beer? What if they’ve recently lost 400lbs and have a ton of loose skin hanging around the mid-section? What if they’re shoplifting basketballs and you’ve just foiled their evil scheme? You might as well shove your entire leg down your throat because that will be a hell of a lot less painful than the dirty look you will no doubt receive from the offended, not to mention any beatdowns that may occur courtesy of the non-preggo’s significant other (most likely a large, angry, ape-like male).

There is nothing on this planet more uncomfortable than hearing someone say “I’m not pregnant” after some poor shmuck has asked “So when’s the baby due?” This by far outweighs:

• “My mom’s dead” response after you’ve made a “your mom” joke
• Going to shake someone’s hand and realizing they don’t have a hand
• Referring to a woman as Mr. or Sir (or vice-versa)
• Guessing someone’s age and overshooting by 15 years
• Asking if someone is gay when they aren’t

I pity the fool that has committed any of these faux-pas…

We’d been secretly trying for a couple of months, and we found out she was pregnant around the end of November. I haven’t yet been able to wrap my head around it… I suppose it will take a while. I told Sarah to be prepared for the moment it finally sinks in and I panic, scream and pass-out. I just hope I land on something soft.

For most of my life I thought I would never have kids… Sarah changed all that. Over the years, I’ve come to the realization that Sarah will be the greatest mom ever to walk to face of the earth. Any parental ineptness on my part will be canceled out by the parental genius of my incredible wife. She was born to be a mom. I have a lot to learn from her, and I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

I’m sure that from this point on, this blog will take a steep angled turn to chronicle my experiences as a soon-to-be-father. I can’t even fathom the depths of which my life is about to change…