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For the last couple of months I’ve been reading a LOT of Philip K. Dick. For those of you that have never heard of Dick, he’s arguably the greatest science-fiction writer of the 20th century. So far, 7 of his novels (he wrote over 40) have been made into motion pictures. You might have heard of some of them…

Blade Runner (1982) – adapted from the novel “Do Andriods Dream of Electric Sheep”
Minority Report (2002)
Total Recall (1990), based on the short story “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale “
A Scanner Darkly (2006)

I’ve been a huge fan of the movie “Bladerunner” for years, but I’d always heard that the book is so much better, and was it ever! Even the title for the book is better. Has there ever been a cooler title for a book than “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep”? I don’t think so. I understand why the book would never make a good movie – no action what-so-ever, but they left some of the best concepts out of the movie adaptation. It’s really hard to explain if you haven’t read the book, but Dick does a fantastic job of playing religion vs science and human nature vs technology. I highly recommend this book if you enjoyed the movie.

I just finished reading “A Scanner Darkly” and it blew my mind. It’s not the Sci-Fi that people usually think of with spaceships and aliens and all that crap. It’s way more subtle than that. Dick uses the characters to tell the story instead of relying on cheap props of future technology. The story is enthralling and unique, and the fact that it takes place in the future is almost insignificant. Darkly was recently made into a movie by Richard Linklater starring the always dudefull Keanu Reeves and the perpetually stoned Robert Downey Jr.. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but the previews look like they stayed pretty faithful to the novel, which is always a good sign. Not to mention the fact that the whole movie was shot with live actors, then animated over using some newfangled “rotoscoping” technique (much like the movie Waking Life). It looks incredible.

I’m currently working my way through a large collection of his short stories. PKD died in 1982 at the age of 52 after suffering a severe stroke – perhaps the years and years of psychedelic drugs caused it? I wonder what he might of pondered in his last seconds of consciousness before he died…

“In my writing I even question the universe; I wonder out loud if it is
real, and I wonder out loud if all of us are real” -PKD

I am a diaper changing champion. Having never changed a single diaper in my entire life (up until 3 weeks ago), I think I’ve mastered the art pretty quickly. Toot-sweet. And, yes, it is an ART – especially with a boy. No matter what I do, he always finds a way to pee on me, and always after he’s been changed into a clean onesie and I’ve got a new diaper under him. And if I’m a diaper changing cham-peen, then Sarah is the almighty Queen of planet DertaDiipa. Dirty diapers aside, Asher is living up to his namesake (Asher means Blessing and Happiness in Hebrew).

I’ve always had this strange fear that if I had a baby, it would be the antithesis of cute. I believe in the idea of Karma, and over the years I’ve often (too often) commented on the horrifying ugliness of random babies I’ve noticed at various malls and grocery stores… Karma’s a biotch, so, naturally I figured all those ill fated comments would come back to haunt me one day. Well, I can honestly say that Asher is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen. I know all parents say that about their kids, but he really is adorable. It reminds of the ugly baby episode of Seinfeld – Baby cuteness is always a must lie situation, but so far no one has referred to Asher as “breathtaking” or “snugly”… His cuteness also makes me really nervous because Karma still owes me a swift kick in the ass…

I also can’t believe how much freaking hair Asher has on his head. Sarah and I were both bald as an egg till age 8. I figured most of his hair would fall out, but it just keeps getting thicker. At this rate, he’ll have a good hockey mullet in another couple of months. Business up front, party in the back!

Since Asher was born, “me” time has become obsolete… and that’s just fine with me. For the past 2 weeks, whenever I’ve had any free time, I find myself sitting on the couch or walking around the house just holding my son. I think I could seriously spend 24hrs straight just looking into his little eyes (which are still a very dark blue color). I have no real desire to watch TV, listen to music, write this blog, workout, shower… OK, so maybe it’s becoming a problem.

So, I’m trying to get back to having some “me” time so I can accomplish some of those menial everyday tasks such as brushing my teeth, shaving, and blogging(?). I’ve decided to try to do some of these things while Asher is eating or sleeping. I also took the last 2 weeks off of work and today was my first day back. It was craziness x 10. I literally had 697 emails to wade through. It sucks having to be away from Sarah and Asher for 10+ hours a day, but I am SO incredibly thankful for my job, and for the fact that I make enough $$$ so Sarah doesn’t have to work and can be a stay-at-home mom. I think having one parent at home full-time is the single best thing you can do for your kid!

We’ve also quickly learned the physiological effect that a baby’s cries have on the human body… Asher doesn’t cry a lot, but when he does (especially in the middle of the night), I can feel my blood pressure and body temperature rise in unison with his volume. It’s amazing how his little scrunched up unhappy face can make me brace for impact… He loves to trick me by making faces like he’s going to start screaming, then he stops at the very last second and kind of gives me a smile and wink…2 weeks old and already a smartass, just like his daddy.

Here are some really great black & white portraits we took of him last week…

We brought Asher home from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon and introduced him to life in the world re-known Yarbrough household. He has been on his absolute best behavior and we are loving every second of parenthood!

Coincidently, yesterday was our 4 year wedding anniversary. Needless to say, we didn’t get to celebrate much. Sarah’s parents came over to baby-sit and we went down the street to a local pizza joint for dinner. I can’t express how awesome it’s been to see Sarah as a mom. It’s what she was meant to do… 4 years have flown by, and I have a feeling the next 18 will go by like the blink of an eye.

I’ve been trying like hell to put into words my feelings about being a dad, but I just can’t. It’s totally and completely indescribable. Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to do it, but so far it’s been a futile effort.

And now, what you’ve all been waiting for… More pictures of ASHER!! I finally got the pics uploaded onto the photos section, so click over there to see them all. Here are some of my favorites:

The following events took place on July 31st, 2006 in Frisco, TX. All names, places, dates, and events have been changed to protect the innocent…

4:07AM – Sarah wakes me up claiming that she is having some “painful” contractions. She insists that I go get the stopwatch so we can see how far apart they’re coming. I rummage around in the closet until I find an old board game with a plastic hourglass. Every time she has a contraction, I scream Yahtzee!

5:00 AM – The contractions are about 5-7 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute or so. Sarah has been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for months, so she isn’t quite sure if this is real labor, false labor, or maybe just the department of labor.

5:25 AM – Sarah has a contraction that hurts so bad it makes her eyes tear up… Yup, it’s official, we’re going to the hospital soon. Sarah begins calling everyone in the greater Dallas area phone book to let them know she might be in labor.

5:30 AM – Sarah is still on the phone as I run around the house like a crazy person throwing anything and everything I own into bags to take to the hospital. (Looking back on it, maybe I really didn’t need to bring our patio furniture to the hospital…)

6:00 AM – Sarah is finishing up the W’s as I a iron a couple of shirts and vacuum the Zoe-hair- covered floors and carpet. I also empty the dishwasher, check my email, and install a new garbage disposal in the kitchen sink.

6:35 AM – Our bags are packed and we’re ready to go. I load up the car and make sure the car seat is installed and ready for use. I strap Zoe in to test it out – it works great! Sarah is in a LOT of pain and she’s making sure that I know exactly how much pain she’s in.

6:50 AM – Speeding down Preston Rd at a mind-bending top speed of 54mph (as fast as our little Hyundai Sonata will go).

7:00 AM – We check into the Labor & Delivery Ward at Centennial Medical Center in Frisco, TX. Our awesome nurse, Wendy, checks Sarah out – she is already 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced (if you don’t know what these terms mean, then you are either a guy, or a very manly chick)

7:30 AM – Our regular doctor is out of town, so her partner, Dr. Bailey, fills in. She is greatness and lets us know that Asher will in deed be born sometime today!

8:30 AM – Sarah is moving along great and is dilated to 7cm and the baby is at 0 station. The contractions are now 4-5 minutes apart and really intense. Sarah grabs me by the throat and yells “Get me some drugs, NOW!” It’s Epidural time! (Editors Note: Sarah was doing a phenomenal job managing the labor up to this point. The nurses were amazed that she was at 7cm and barely complaining about the pain at all. They all thought she could have the baby naturally. And naturally, Sarah thought they were all nuts)

9:00 AM – The Anesthesiologist comes in to administer an epidural and is now Sarah’s most bestest friend in the whole wide world. What a relief!

9:50 AM – Sarah is now at 10cm. 1 more hour to let the baby move down, then we PUSH!

11:00 AM – Here it comes… Ready, PUSH,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, Deep Breath and Push,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, Deep Breath, last one and PUSH,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, and 10! Great job honey. (Wait 2 minutes and repeat)

11:45 AM – Dr. Bailey arrives and the final countdown is on… Just a couple more good pushes and Asher will be here!

12:01 PM – Asher pops out without incident (Insert sound from the lollipop-lollipop song HERE). He has the cord wrapped around his little neck, and it ruptures when he squirts out, but he’s A-OK. He scores a 7 out of 10 on his first APGAR test.

12:10 PM – Asher gets wiped off and weighed and measured: 7lbs 5.8oz & 20in. He scores a 9 out of 10 on his second APGAR – Way to go son! I finally get to cut what’s left of the cord and Sarah tries to nurse him for the first time. He doesn’t make a peep.

12:50 PM – I walk down the hall to the waiting room to tell our anxious friends and family that Asher has arrived!!

The hospital has a wireless connection, but it also has a stingy firewall that prevents me from uploading files via FTP. So, posting these pics one-by-one has been a little tedious… I’ve put them on this blog for now, and I’ll have to wait until we get home to post them all in the photo gallery.

Isn’t he a cutie! Sarah and I are working on writing the whole story about his birth and I’ll post it as soon as we finish.

Sarah and I would also like to give a HUGE thanks to all our friends and family that have come for a visit or called to wish us their love and support!! We (Asher, Sarah, Zoe and I) love you all!!

Asher Jacob Yarbrough was born at 12:01pm weighing 7 lbs 6 oz & 20in long at Centennial Medical Center in Frisco, TX.

I’m beginning to think this kid is NEVER going to come out… and the waiting is absolutely excruciating. I am totally, 100% pre-occupied by the fact that we could be heading to the hospital at any given moment to have a freaking CHILD! I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate at work, and I’m a danger to other drivers on the road (OK, so maybe that last one is always true). And if I’m having such a hard time with this, I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for poor preggo-huge-burning-up-in-the-heat Sarah.

We went back to the doctor yesterday and scheduled a “just-in-case” induction for August 9th. Yes, 12 days from now. 12 MORE days. ARGH! I can’t wait 12 more days. We bought some raspberry-leaf tea, which the hippie-people claim is supposed to help things along, and we ordered some extra spicy chinese food at dinner the other night. At this point, I think Sarah might eat a bloody rare steak if it would put her into labor. She’s still swimming almost every day, and we even walked 2 miles the other night, but still no labor.

Hopefully, the next update will be from the hospital (they have free wi-fi!) with lots and lots and lots of pictures of Asher J???? Yarbrough (Much to Sarah’s chagrin, I still haven’t decided on a middle name).

No one ever told me that being pregnant is a lot like being a celebrity… Like most other things in my life, I’ve figured this one out on my own (ereh, with a little help from Sarah). Everywhere she goes, people want to talk to her and ask her questions. “When are you due”, “Is it a boy or a girl”, “You look so great” and on, and on, and on… Luckily, I’m usually an innocent bystander when these stranger-speak attacks occur. I don’t think I could handle the onslaught Sarah puts up with every time she goes out in public, but she’s always polite and courteous. Some of my favorite questions and comments made to Sarah so far:

“Are you pregnant?” (She was 9 1/2 months at the time and looked to be
smuggling a HUGE basketball)

“Can you still drive?”

“Should you really be swimming? What if you have the baby while you’re
in the water?”

“What does it feel like?” -someone asked this recently after finding
out that she is already 2cm dilated

“Please don’t let your water break on my couch”

It occurs to me that being pregnant might just be a needy person’s nirvana. Strangers talk to you all the time, and when it’s all over you’ve got a nice little companion to torture for the next 18 years…

I was born about 6 weeks premature… so technically, my body is 6 weeks younger than most 28 year olds. I propose, that from now on, people’s age be determined by the day they were SUPPOSED to be born on – or, simply 40 weeks after the date they were conceived. OK, so that makes no sense at all – yes, I’m an idiot.

Today has been tough for me. Everyone knows that I am severely allergic to change, and yes, I am fully aware that in about 2 weeks, when baby Asher finally arrives, life as I know it will never be the same again. I can nostalgically say goodbye to all those late night movies and concerts. I can bid adieu to any notion of peaceful sleep. I can cover the collective face of profane music with a fluffy pillow till it slowly suffocates and dies. All of these things will be will be lost in time, like tears in the rain…

For some stupid reason, I’ve convinced myself that turning 28 is a huge-normous turning point in my life. The intelligent (yet very small) part of my brain is frantically trying to assure me that what I’m feeling has absolutely nothing to do with my birthday, and everything to do with having a son… So why am I culminating all my fears at once, in a single day, when I’ve had 9 months to think about it?

As hard as it is for my brain to say goodbye to my beloved everyday routines, my heart knows that it’s SO worth it… Looking into Asher’s eyes for the first time will be the single greatest moment of my life.