Dear Asher,

I think you’ve learned more this past month than you have in all the previous months combined! So much has happened that I don’t quite know where to begin…

Congrats little man, you now have 2 sharp fangs to go with your 10 razor-like talons… I’m going to start calling you Wolverine. Your first two teeth snuck in unbeknownst to your mother and me. The other day I was feeding you some yummy banana when you inadvertently munched down on my poor finger… I recoiled in pain as I withdrew the bloody stump that used to be my pointer. You literally drew blood. We had no idea you already had teeth because the sneaky little bastards were hiding under your tongue. The two tiny protrusions from your bottom gum are impossible to get pictures of and only make rare appearances when you are poised to eat… They don’t seem to bother you all that much, which is good because I’ve heard some teething horror stories from some other parents and I was NOT looking forward to that particular part of your baby-hood.

You are one tough kid. Unfortunately you’re also incredibly clumsy (you get that from your mother, right?). We can prop you up against stuff and you’ll happily stand there holding on for dear life. The problem is that you haven’t quite figured out how to stand up or sit back down on your own. So, once you get tired of standing, you simply let go and fall, as if the world was made of pillows and cotton candy. Every day I wonder how long it’s going to take you to realize that our living room floor is CONCRETE. You’ve had a few graceful falls on the carpet, resulting in some minor bumps and bruises, but luckily nothing too serious. I guess that’s to be expected from a future hockey player… I can hear it now, “Stitch me up and get me back in the game!!”

Chinese Acrobat?

It only took a single day, with much help from some shiny car keys, for you to learn how to crawl. It started out as an arms-only army style crawl and has since morphed into a warp-speed (he’s gone plaid!) baby crawl. You only have two gears: stopped and full speed. When you spot something across the room that you want, there’s no stopping you. Walls, chairs, pillows, couches, daddy… these obstacles are no match for your superb crawling prowess. Learning to crawl has opened up a whole new world, and although it’s much easier now to keep you entertained, I was totally unprepared for your mobility. We realized fairly quickly that we needed to baby-proof the house because your favorite activity is to play with the electrical outlets in every room of the house. When we put those little plastic covers on all the plugs, you just saw that as a new game to play and ripped them out one by one. We don’t need baby proofing, we need Asher proofing…

Speaking of Asher-proofing, I apparently need to Asher-proof my toes. You’ve been rolling around in the kitchen in one of those Fred Flintstone type baby walkers. You know, the kind that you sit in with your feet touching the ground, and the big rack of brontosaurus ribs attached to the side that always tips you over… (I wonder if you’ll ever understand that joke. Are old Flintstones episodes even shown on TV anymore? Oh well, there’s always YouTube I guess) Your favorite activity while you’re in this walker is to wait until I’m not paying attention to you, then charge at me like a bull, ramming the plastic edge of the walker into my poor unsuspecting toes. Ouch! I’d ban you from the walker, but I have too much fun watching you chase Zoe around… she’s been torturing me for the last 4 years and now it’s time for some serious payback, Asher style.

The Mighty Toe-Killer

There was also some big news this month that will have a major impact on the next 30 years of your life. On March 13 2007, Mario Lemieux and the Pittsburgh Penguins announced they had reached an agreement with the city of Pittsburgh to build a new arena that will keep the team in the city for next 30 years! I couldn’t bear the thought of you growing up without the Pens, and now you don’t have to…

Love,
Papa