Dear Asher,

You are now officially 4 months old. Your Mee-Maw and Paw-Paw always told me that time would start to fly by once I had kids. Since you were born, I’ve come to realize that they were 100% right. On the day you were born, someone hit the fast-forward button on my internal TiVo… time is whizzing by so fast it’s hard for me to comprehend. You are growing so fast! It seems like only yesterday that we were bringing you home from the hospital and dressing you up in little baby clothes that were wayyyyy too big for you (you were so tiny!). Now, you’ve grown out of all those clothes that were once too big… I still can’t believe it. We took you to the doctor for your 4 month checkup yesterday and you are now 15 ½ lbs and 25 ¾ inches long. The doctor predicts that one day you will be big enough to whoop my ass, I’m just hoping it’s not until you’re at least 8.

The best thing about the past month has been the progress you’ve made on your mission to laugh. Each day you get closer and closer to letting loose with a belly-jiggling, Tapp-worthy laugh! You’re not quite there yet, but you’re, oh, so close… Your mom and I have spent hours upon hours acting like idiots, desperately trying to elicit laughter from your chubby cheeks. Every time you smile, chuckle, or squeal with joy, it’s like a giant ray of sunshine warming our hearts (and melting our stress). It truly is the best feeling in the world. Thank you for that.

Every night you have the same bedtime routine and it has become my favorite part of the day. We lay you down on our bed and read you some nighttime stories, always ending with the very confusing tale, Goodnight Moon. It’s about a bunny rabbit that lives in a house and says goodnight to all the objects in his/her view, including a cow, a bowl of mush, and a creepy old bunny-lady sitting in a rocking chair. What are these children’s book authors smoking? After reading Goodnight Moon, your mom wraps you up in your little straight jacket swaddle while I play some smooth guitar until your eyes get that glassy/sleepy stare. Then it’s off to dreamland.

Already reading at 4 months!

Saturday and Sunday mornings this past month have been extra awesome because I get to be home for what I’ve deemed “morning smile time.” You are at your happiest when you wake up in the morning, wriggling and cooing with discovery as if everything you see is totally new to you. I wish I could hear your inner monologue, but I imagine it’s something like this:

Oh look, there’s that lady that feeds me. I love her a lot (big smile). I’m hungry (big smile). There’s that dude that makes stupid faces at me ALL the time. He’s ugly, but funny (big smile). There’s that really hairy black thing that walks on all fours and licks me whenever the other 2 aren’t looking. I can’t wait till I’m big enough to hop on it’s back and go for a ride (big smile). I just farted (big smile). I’m Hungry (big smile).

Oddly, in my mind your voice always sounds exactly like Bruce Willis… It kills me that I miss morning smile time while I’m at work during the week, but it makes the weekend mornings all that much more special.

I may be wrong, but I don’t think babies are supposed to grow talons. Your talon-esque fingernails are sharp enough to slice through an aluminum can. It’s a good thing we put you in a swaddle at night, because I think you’d have a horribly disfigured face otherwise. You still manage to scratch up your cute little face during the day, and your poor mother’s neck looks like Freddy Krueger gave her a shoulder rub. You are impervious to fingernail clippers and nail files, and no matter how many manicures we give you, your wolverine claws stay razor-sharp. I have a feeling it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better too. As you’re learning to reach out and grab things, just remember that mom’s earrings and dad’s ears are NOT toys.

2 weeks ago you caught your first cold. It broke my heart to see you miserable. Someone needs to invent NyQuil for babies. You’re a tough little man. Even with your nose all stuffed up and gunk all in your chest, you still seemed totally content and mostly happy. The only time it seemed to bother you was when you were trying to fall asleep – It’s hard to suck on a binky when you can’t breathe out of your nose… Oh, and by the way, 1 week ago you passed along that cold to me.

For the first 3 months of your life, your mother and I often tried to make you smile by sticking out our tongues and making a thhhhhpppptttt sound. Usually it worked, but we have unwittingly created a monster. You have now figured out how to stick your tongue out and make the same noise, however, when you do it you launch spit across the room like a fire-hose. It is your absolute favorite thing to do right now. The other night, your mom put you in your crib for your pre-bedtime / post-dinnertime nap (don’t ask), and you spent an entire hour, by yourself, spitting and thhhpppttt-ing to your heart’s delight. We stood outside the door to your room for a good 20 minutes just listening to you and laughing. When we went back into the room, you were SOAKING wet from head to toe. Yuck! I hope you grow out of this phase fast…

The Steeler nation gains a member

Love,
Papa